WageStock™

Career Opportunities for the Modern Human Asset. Guerrilla Literature by Kerr Martin, 6/3/26.

Jun 05, 2026

Bitchmaker

Responsible for the conversion of dissatisfied consumers into compliant Brand Advocates through approved behavioural correction protocols.

Wage: 3 Praise Credits per hour plus one approved compliment every fiscal quarter. Bonus compliments earned based on additional bitches made.

Pork Extraction Specialist

Oversees the safe harvesting of market-grade pork matter from both traditional and non-traditional pork sources.

Wage: 14 Meat Tokens weekly and priority access to recreational sodium.

Synthetic Jejunum Milker

Maintains and extracts nutrient slurry from laboratory-grown intestinal tissues for use in consumer food products.

Wage: 2.5 Litres of Premium Gutmilk per shift and a company-sponsored vitamin graft.

Womb Miner

Operates deep-uterine excavation equipment to recover viable biological assets and reproductive resources.

Wage: 7 Fertility Shares and one commemorative embryo annually.

Pissflute Inspector

Ensures all fleshy wind instruments meet alliance safety, hygiene, and tonal standards. Issuing fines for unlicensed piss whistling.

Wage: 11 Bladder Stamps per day redeemable for clean water and municipal whistling permits.

Assistant Dildromeder

Supports the Senior Dildromeder in the management, calibration, and migration of pleasure-beast herds across corporate territories. Occasional pleasure-beast milking and mucking may be required.

Wage: Entry-level position. Compensation includes room, board, and supervised touching privileges. One year probation required before unsupervised touching is considered.

Twatsmith

Designs, forges, and refurbishes custom reproductive interfaces for civilian and industrial applications.

Wage: 40 Labial Vouchers monthly and participation in the Employee Breeding Lottery.

Consumer Regret Analyst

Tracks post-purchase despair metrics across all demographic sectors. Updates Officer David Gunman for local brutality visits.

Wage: 8 Remorse Credits and unlimited access to Premium Disappointment for you, friends and family.

Chief Semen Liaison

Acts as the primary intermediary between sperm-producing stakeholders and regional distribution authorities.

Wage: Competitive. Includes executive ejaculation matching and unrestricted access to Platinum Sluts.

Griefmonger

Sources, packages, and monetizes bereavement experiences for the luxury emotional commodities market. Secures open caskets and arranges deathgaze events for wealthy clients.

Wage: Commission-based. Earn up to 15% of every funeral memory sold.

Bone Dividend Manager

Maximizes shareholder value through the strategic acquisition, processing, and distribution of skeletal assets. Management of repossessions department for procurement of unpaid bone mortgages.

Wage: Quarterly payouts in Calcium Futures and preferred marrow options.

Kenneth of the Law

Kenneth. Of the Law.

Wage: New Kenneths receive whatever Kenneth requires.

Benefits Package Available To All Employees

Half price dental subscription
Air rationing privileges
Up to three authorized dreams per month (Nightmares may incur additional fees)
Family members may be cloned at employee rates
Complimentary mourning after five years of service
Retirement available upon approval from the Department of Remaining Useful Life
Casual Fridays*

^{WageStock™ is an equal opportunity employer. Employment decisions are made with regard to race, creed, religion, genetic purity, organ count, reproductive yield, dream productivity, and previous incarnation status.

Please note: Employees remain the property of WageStock™ until all training, cloning, breathing, and onboarding debts have been repaid. Failure to make these repayments will end in permanent disconnection.
Contact chief WageStock™ Profit Prophet}^{Ellis Wiens for more information on your role as human cattle with us here at WageStock}^{™ Industries.}"Every human has value. Some simply have more."
— Ellis Wiens, Founder & Profit Prophet, WageStock™ Industries
^{*Casual Fridays suspended indefinitely following the Organ Riots.}